Faith Over Fear
In my last post I talked about New Years resolutions. I talked about how my resolution this year is to be grateful, but I actually have a few resolutions. One of them is to read for fun. Over the last four years in seminary and since graduating, reading often consists of biblical commentaries, books about theology, church history, and obscure journal articles that have been read by so few people, I don’t know why they were bothered to be written. I’ve sunk my teeth into several sci-fi fantasy series books and so far, I’m enjoying it immensely.
In one of the books I was reading, there was a mirror that reveals the future, but the character didn’t want to look into it because she was afraid. For a sci-fi fantasy series this is a wholly unoriginal idea, but the thought struck me like lightening, and I’ve pondered upon that part of the plot. I felt God challenge me, “Would you be able to look into the mirror?” It’s not lost on me the irony that I felt the Holy Spirit challenge me while reading a sci-fi book— probably read by more teenagers than I care to admit. The answer is “No.” I wouldn’t be able to look in the mirror because the future is and has always been terrifying for me because of my daughters who have special needs. When I think of my son, I think I would be excited to look into the mirror. What career path would he choose? What passion would he pursue? The future is world of endless possibilities. When I think of my daughters however, the future is a dark shadow that lurks in the recesses of my thoughts. Will they be provided for after my husband and I are gone? Who will watch over them, protect them, and will they ever be able to attain some sort of independence? Sometimes I think the worst of all scenarios and I feel as if the despair and anguish could swallow me whole. If such a mirror existed, I wouldn’t be able to look because I’m afraid. I never had to face this fear because life was always the perfect distraction… until COVID. As I’ve spent more time with my kids as a result of the lockdown(s) and limited in-person school, it became harder to avoid. Every time I started to fear and feel deep sadness at my reality, the words of my mother would echo just as loud, “Joy, God will take care of them. You have to trust Him. Have faith!” Faith over fear is the ongoing battle within me. My next resolution is to try to trust God in this area, and to be reminded of all of God’s past faithfulness.
I don’t know if you had a chance to watch Amanda Gorman recite the poem wrote “The Hill We Climb” at the inaugural service of President Biden. I was so moved by the scriptural references and Biblical undertones. This part particularly spoke to me:
“For while we have our eyes on the future
history has its eyes on us
This is the era of just redemption
We feared at its inception
We did not feel prepared to be the heirs
of such a terrifying hour
but within it we found the power
to author a new chapter
To offer hope and laughter to ourselves”
Again, I felt like God was encouraging me, and urging me to trust. I can’t deny the future is something that I don’t like to think about, my heart aches to think of it, but I also can’t deny God’s pull towards faith and hope. As we start a new chapter in our nation with a new leader, I’m also looking to stop hiding, to stop being afraid, and to start the new chapter with my faith in a God that is bigger and greater than me and one that can carry my fears. I hope we as a community can do the same as we enter 2021 together. Let's remember that whatever challenges we may be facing, may faith over fear triumph.
